Heissler, Klaus Heissler
by Boolia
Summary: When the Smith family, Bullock, Jeff and all the CIA agents are kidnapped, it is up to a particular German fish to save them before it's too late.
1. Part 1

Heissler, Klaus Heissler

Part 1

"_It happened again!_" Stan said as soon as he entered the house. He took off his jacket, threw on the clothes hanger and went over to collapse on the sofa. Klaus, in his bowl, was on the table. He looked at the depressed Stan. Roger went by him. He was wearing a brown wig, brown fake eyebrows, a green striped shirt, red and white shoes, and blue jeans with holes in them His wife came, followed by Jeff, Hayley and Steve.

"What happened?" Roger wanted to know. "Did a fire happen in the kitchen?"

"_No_." Stan answered with a sniff.

"Did Bullock find out you're a bad worker and fired you?"

_"No."_

"Did your pants fall down, revealing your under…" Stan looked sternly at Roger

_"NO_!" He looked depressed again.

"Then what happened Dad?" Hayley wanted to know.

"Yeah, what happened?" Steve added.

"Mr. S, are you alright?" Jeff asked. Stan sighed before he answered.

"Jackson disappeared." Everyone gasped.

"_Again_?" Francine questioned. "Didn't an agent disappear yesterday?"

"And the day before that, and the day before, that and many days before those days. I'm telling you Francine, lately work is like a ticking time bomb. Bullock and I are the only ones left. I'm afraid that I may be next."

Francine, feeling sorry, sat down on the sofa to comfort her husband.

_"Oh Stan_!" She said. "You're not going to disappear. You have nothing to worry about."

"How do you know?"

"I won't allow it. Now, would some lasagna make you feel better?" Stan looked at his wife and smiled.

"You sure know how to cheer me up. No wonder Garfield likes it so much." Francine stood up and smiled. She offered Stan her hand. Stan took it and stood up. They, followed by Jeff, Roger, Steve and Hayley, headed towards the kitchen. Jeff leaned in to whisper to Hayley.

"What's this all about?" He asked.

"Oh, apparently all of the agents at the CIA are disappearing one by one. It all started two months ago."

"_Creepy_!"

"Yeah, I know, _creepy_!" She shivered at the thought.

The next morning, the family was just about ready for church. Roger was in his same brown wig and fake brown eyebrows and white and red shoes, but had perfect blue jeans and a red shirt this time. Stan, with an omelet in hand went over to Klaus' bowl.

"Here Klaus." He tossed it to him. Klaus jumped from his bowl grabbed it in his mouth. He landed back in his bowl. "We're off to church. We're be back in an hour and a half."

"So don't blow up the house while we're gone." Roger added.

"Don't worry, I won't." Klaus promised. He started eating his omelet. Roger stood for a moment then went out the door when Stan called his name. The door closed after them. Klaus was now alone.

It wasn't long before Klaus heard a gunshot from outside. He also heard dog barks.

"What the heck?" Klaus wondered out loud. "What is _happening?_" He put down his omelet. He then jumped constantly from his bowl to look out the window.

Out the window he saw a five tough-looking men, his family and two Dobermans. One man had a mustache. The mustached man punched Stan in the groin. He and his henchmen grabbed him and the rest of the family, then lead the family to their car and drove off. Klaus gasped.

He stopped jumping.

_"Oh my gosh, oh my gosh;_ mien family just got abducted before mien eyes." The fish then smiled in realization. "Which means I can do whatever I want without them seeing what I'm doing."

When Klaus finished his omelet he rubbed his fins together.

"Let the fun begin!" He said to himself. He picked up the phone and began dialing.

He danced to "Dancing with Myself' and played Tetris on the family computer. When everyone arrived for the party, they watched four movies on Netflix. They danced, had punch and alcohol and watched _Hot Tub Time Machine, Avatar, Paul_ and _Captain America_. Klaus told some girls about the hot tub he claimed he defeated, that he discovered Atlantis and that Paul looked like someone he knew (they didn't believe that he had met an actual alien because he was drunk with champagne when he was telling them. They didn't believe the Atlantis thing and the hot tub ether).

The house was trashed after everyone went home at 9 PM. Klaus was about to watch Scrubs when he heard a knock on the door.

"Who is it?" He shouted. "I'm sorry but the party's over."

"Deputy Director Bullock."

"_Come in!"_ He pressed the pause button on the remote and looked at him. Bullock looked around the room.

"Is Stan Smith here?" Bullock asked.

"Afraid not. He and the rest of the family got taken away by these guys who had two Dobermans." He unpaused the TV. "Now shut up, I'm watching Scrubs." Bullock looked at him.

"Was it five guys?" He wanted to know. "Did they all look muscular?"

"Yeah and one had a mustache."

"Oh no. I was afraid of this." Klaus repaused the TV and looked at him. "You _know_ them?"

"You bet!" He sat on the sofa. "Oh man, do I _know _them! The mustache man is Damien. I was his former boss. He turned traitor on me and wanted to shut down the CIA and I wouldn't let him. So I fired him. He took it hard and swore that he'll get his revenge one day. He joined a gang with four other former agents of mine."

"_Um_, why are you telling me this? Look, I'm sorry that he kidnapped all of your agents, but I got to get back to Scrubs." He was about to press play on the remote when Bullock took it away. _"Hey_!"

"I need somebody to rescue them." He looked at Klaus. "Maybe you can!"

"_Me_?" Bullock nodded. _"Hello_? I'm a fish!"

"There are a lot of animal agents out there. That platypus for instance, those guinea pigs, those penguins are kind of like agents, and that dog and kitty."

"But those agents are all from _TV_! I can't outsmart those five big agents. No, I refuse it!" Bullock sighed.

"_Very well_!" He gave the remote back to Klaus who grabbed it. "If you don't want to impress your family with all of your bravery, be my guest. You could've been a hero."

"A _hero?_ _Ooh_, I like the sound of that!"

Klaus imagined that he put the agents behind bars and rescued everybody in the CIA, even his family.

"_Oh Klaus_!" Francine told him in his dream. "You _saved_ us!

"You're a true hero!" Steve added.

"Yeah, way to go Klaus." Hayley added.

"I never knew a fish like you could be so brave!" Jeff put in. "_Congrats Mr. H_!"

"I'm sorry I tormented you all these years!" Dream Roger confessed. He showed him his butt. "Spank me a thousand times; I deserve it!" Stan gave him a mini baseball bat. Dream Klaus grabbed it.

"_Here_! Hit that jerk so hard!"

"Don't mind if I do." Klaus said. He smiled and swung the bat hard on Roger's butt. Roger screamed. Everyone cheered.

"_That's my fish_!" Roger smiled and screamed when the bat came down again. Francine then gave Klaus an unexpected kiss. Klaus then blushed.

"_Aw_!" He said. "This is the _life_!"

"_Fish_!" Bullock said to him. "_Fish_!"

"_Huh_?" Bullock snapped his fingers. Klaus shook back into reality. "_Yo, fish_!" He waved his hand in his face. "_Hello_? Is anyone home?" Klaus looked at him. Bullock leaned back in the sofa. "Oh goodie, I thought I lost you!"

"Dude, I was having a dream!"

"What kind of dream?"

"I dreamt that I rescued the entire CIA, everyone respected me and treated me like I was a hero!"'

"Well, that dream will become a reality if you do this mission and save them." He opened a Mountain Dew can he got from the freezer, sat back down on the sofa, and started drinking it.

"You mean, if I do this mission of yours, everybody will respect me even my own family?"

"That's right!"

"I won't do it!" Bullock spat out his drink and looked at him surprised. _"What_? But they're your family and my agents! What do you mean you won't do it?" Klaus let out a laugh and looked back at the TV, grabbing the remote.

"_Family?_ _Please_! They're not my family! My real family is back home in Germany!" He grabbed the remote and unpaused it. "They're just keeping me hostage! I'm _glad_ they got kidnapped. They treat me like crap!"

"You hate them that badly, _huh_?" Klaus nodded.

"Have you ever listened to 'Welcome to My Life' by Simple Plan?" Bullock nodded. "Well, there you go then. That song highlights my life with them."

"Oh, sorry I wasted you time then. I thought you were the one. I thought you had the heart and strength to prove that you are a somebody. Guess I was wrong."

"_Yup_! You were wrong! Man, you were _dead_ wrong!" Bullock then changed the subject.

"So, you threw a party without me?"

"Yup, and it was far out _wunderbar! _The _best_ party I ever hosted, well it was the _only_ party I ever hosted, but it was still the best" Bullock drank the last of his Mountain Dew, stood up and threw it away. He headed for the door.

"Well, I'm leaving." Klaus waved a fin at him.

"Okay, _Auf Wiedershen_!" Bullock turned the doorknob and looked at the fish one last time.

"Are you sure you don't want to go on this mission? It'll be a great honor if…"

"_GO!"_

"Okay _bye_!" Bullock opened the door. Before he could go out, two Doberman attacked him and five men came in.

"That's enough boys!" A gruff voice said. The dogs got off Bullock. They all growled at him. Bullock looked up at the men and gulped. It was Damien and the gang.

"_Damien_!" Damien chuckled.

"_Well, well, well_, Deputy Director Bullock, long time no see. You remember me, right?"

"You bet I do! You wanted to shut down the CIA and I wouldn't let you."

"_Bingo_! And that's exactly what I'm going to do!"

"Wait, _what_?"

"I'm going to shut down the entire CIA." Bullock gasped and stood up. He was about to attack him when two of his henchmen held him back.

"You _can't_ shut it down!"

"Oh, I _can't_ can I?" He leaned in close to his former boss. "I can do more then you know…boss!" He laughed and looked at two of his henchmen.

"_Mikhail, Joey_," He started. "Did you check the entire house?"

"Da boss." Mikhail answered in his Russian accent. "There is nobody in house." Damien looked at Bullock in question.

"Then who were you talking to, Avery?" He asked.

"I was talking to Klaus." He answered.

"Who's Klaus?"

"The fish." Damien looked at the fish then back at Bullock.

"You were talking to a _fish_? Talking to an animal like it was a person? That's the most _ridiculous_ thing I ever heard!" He looked at the dogs and baby talked them. "Isn't that right babies?" The dogs all barked. Damien patted their heads.

"Well, he's not really a fish." Bullock told him. "You see…" Before Bullock could finish, Damien snapped his fingers. He headed for the door. "Let's go boys! Back to the warehouse!" One of his henchmen, a tall African American, pointed to Klaus.

"What should we do about the fish boss?" Damien looked at him like he asked the stupidest question in the world.

"Leave him Frank! He's just a stupid fish, he won't be a threat." Klaus gaped, insulted. His buddy nodded and followed as they all left the house, taking Bullock, whom Damien kicked in the groin, with them.

"A stupid fish?" Asked a peeved Klaus to no one in particular. "A stupid fish? _No_ one calls Klaus a stupid fish and gets away with it! I think it's time he gets a little visit." He hopped from his bowl to his cup.

He quickly scooted outside and went to the backside of Damien's car. He pulled himself up to the trunk lid before the car drove off.

When they got to the warehouse, Klaus rubbed his fins together with a mischievous grin.

"I'll show Damien! I'll show him that this fish is much more then what he seems!"


	2. Part 2

Part 2

Stan and his family were in a huge cage with many other agents. A guard and his Doberman stood guard. When the prisoners heard the door open, they all looked up. It was Damien.

"Guess what?" He teased.

"You're letting us go?" Roger asked, hopefully. "Or you can let me go. I could care less about these losers." Stan stepped on Roger's foot. Roger jumped in pain. He looked at Stan.

"_Ow!_ What was _that_ for?" The alien wanted to know in a loud whisper.

"_Watch it_!" Stan warned him through clenched teeth. "Remember who's keeping you safe from the CIA!" Mikhail and Joey then dragged an unconscious Bullock. The other dogs were there too.

"Well, it was worth a shot."

"We have a friend for you." Damien continued. He then pointed to the cage. "Lock him in!" Mikhail and Joey obeyed, Joey opened the cage, and they threw him in. Mikhail locked the cage back up.

"_AVERY!_" The other agents cried and crowded around him.

_"Enjoy_!" Damien said and slammed the door. The same guard resumed position as well as his dog. The others left the room.

"Give him some air!" Stan told the others. They agreed and the gathering diminished.

"Is he dead, Stan?" Francine wanted to know.

"No," Stan replied, leaning into his chest. "He's still breathing."

"Then, wake him up!" Stan shook his boss awake.

"Sir, time to wake up." He slapped his face around. "_Avery!_" When it was no use, he turned to his wife.

"It's no use." He told her. "He's out cold."

"That's because you're doing it all wrong." Roger told them. "Now, do it like _this!"_ Roger took a deep breath and shouted as loudly as he could.

_"AVERY, WAKE UP!"_ Everybody plugged his or her ears.

"Roger, are you _crazy?_" Francine said. "We just want to wake Bullock, not the dead too!"

Bullock immediately opened his eyes and sat up. He looked around.

_"See?"_ The alien bragged. "He's up, problem solved! No need to thank me."

'Where am I?" Bullock asked out loud.

"You're in Damien's warehouse." Stan told him. "They locked us up. So now we're all stuck in this place. They're going to shut us down and we can't do anything to stop them. They even took our guns away." Bullock turned to Stan.

"_What_?" He felt his pockets. They were empty.

_"Blast!_ We're powerless without our guns. Hopefully a miracle happens and that fish sees that I was right and saves us." Everyone gasped.

"_What?"_ Roger asked. "Klaus might come and actually _save_ us? That's it, we're doomed."

Klaus scooted into the warehouse. Behind some boxes, he saw Frank, Joey and Mikhail. They were moving boxes. Klaus slowly scooted to the exit.

"I got to be careful." He told himself. "I don't want to get caught." He then bumped into some boxes. The boxes fell on top of a now screaming Klaus causing a commotion. The three bad guys stopped in their tracks.

"Did you idiots bump into boxes causing them to make racket?" Mikhail wanted to know, turning to Frank and Joey. Joey and Frank shrugged and shook their heads.

"No." Joey admitted. "We didn't we do it. The boss must be down here and might've done it."

"Are you sure?"

_"Positive_!" Frank nodded. Mikhail looked like he didn't believe them, but was about to turn around when he saw something in the corner of his eye. The box, it was moving!

"Wait a minute!" He said. "Boxes don't move on own. Something's fishy, come!" They ran after the box.

Frank dove for it and lifted it. Klaus was underneath. He looked at him. Frank picked him up from his cup. Klaus squirmed to get free.

"_Let me go, let me go!"_ He screamed. Frank stood up, not taking his eyes off of the fish. He looked at his biddies.

"You're right." He told them. "Something is fishy! Somehow this fish got in here and was moving the box." He looked at Klaus again. "Hey, wasn't this the same fish from earlier?" Klaus then slapped his face with his tail. He flung Klaus as he fell to the floor. Klaus quickly flopped back into his cup and scooted away as fast as he could.

"He's getting away!" Mikhail shouted from behind. _"Get him_!" The two chased Klaus. As soon as Frank was up, he began chasing Klaus too. They were hot on his tail! Klaus went faster and faster.

He hid behind some more boxes and fought to catch his breath.

"I can't keep this up." He said. "They'll going to catch me and do whatever they want with me." He then saw a pushcart. "A push cart, _score_!"

"There he is!" He heard Mikhail yell. They ran towards him. Klaus quickly hopped into it and started pushing it along. He held on so he wouldn't fall out.

"_Auf wiedersehen_!" He called then laughed to himself. "_Suckers_! He opened his eyes then discovered, he was headed for some boxes!

_"Whoa_!" He shouted. He pushed the cart so it would flip directions. That was a close one! He almost hit the boxes! He sighed in relief.

"Okay, no more monkeying around!" He drove around, turning at every corner.

Then one of Damien's other henchmen walked into view, blocking Klaus' path.

_"Mach schnell, mach scnell!"_ Klaus called. The man looked up. "Fish driving utility cart coming through!" Klaus passed the man. The man looked back, not believing what he just saw.

"_Get fish_!" Mikhail ordered, passing through with the other men. "Come Mark, we need help!" Mark, still in shock, nodded and ran after them.

Klaus looked back and screamed as he saw four men chasing him now.

_"Holy schnitzel_! Now there's _four_ guys chasing after me instead of three; I must make haste!" Klaus gained speed.

He hit a box on the floor and he went flying! He screamed.

_"_I'M _NOT_ A FLYING FISH!" He screamed and screamed as he was headed towards a box. He was going to smash right into it!

_"I'M GOING TO DIE_!" He shielded his eyes, but opened them when he stopped soaring. He looked up. Joey had caught him just in time! Klaus sighed with relief as he was pulled back.

_"Danke_!" He thanked. "You know I thought I was a goner for sure, but you went and sa…"

"So what do you want to do with him?" Joey wanted to know.

"I don't know. Maybe fling him to like a dump somewhere with Joey's slingshot." The others agreed. Klaus gulped.

_"Auf wiederschen again_!" He said. He quickly jumped back into his cup on the cart and drove off as fast as he could.

"Fish getting away again!" Mikhail shouted. _"Get him!_" They all ran after the cart driving it.

Suddenly, his cart stopped.

"_Hey, what the_?" He looked up and gulped. Two Dobermans stood in his way, both growling with their bared teeth. Klaus laughed nervously.

_"Hallo_! So you guys want to be friends, turn on your master and help me get the revenge that I want?" The dogs just kept growling. Klaus gulped.

"I think I better take off again." He drove off again. The dogs ran after him. Now he had the dogs and the men chasing after him! He screamed loudly.

Damien then came into view. He didn't look happy.

"What the _heck's_ going on?" He demanded to know.

"Sir not now!" Mikhail replied. "Trying to catch fish!" Damien sighed and rolled his eyes.

"_Must _I do everything!" He grabbed Klaus by the tail just as he zoomed past. The cart crashed into some boxes. Water fell out of Klaus' cup but not much. Mark, Mikhail, Joey, Frank and the dogs immeditedly stopped.

"Congrats on catching the fish boss." Joey congratulated him.

_"See_?" Damien explained to them. "It isn't so difficult catching a fish. I don't understand why you simpletons couldn't do it. It's just a little goldfish."

"But this is not just a goldfish boss." Joey told him. "This fish can talk in a German accent and drive push carts. It's almost as if this fish possesses a human brain."

"That's _ridiculous!"_ Damien said. "Fish can't talk or have human intelligence. This isn't SpongeBob, Finding Nemo or The Little Mermaid."

"But this fish _can_ talk!" Mikhail protested. "I'm sure of it!"

_"Yeah_!" The others agreed with a nod. Damien just sighed and did a palm to the face.

"Why do I have to put up with you morons? _Look_, he's a fish that can't talk, _end_ of discussion! Now, what were you guys planning to do with him?"

"We were going to fling him into the dump using Joey's slingshot." Frank answered.

"_Hmmm_, well do what you want, I don't care. Just get rid of him!" He handed Klaus to Mikhail. Mikhail grabbed him.

_"Yeah!"_ Mark cheered. They were about to go and Damien was about to go the opposite way when Klaus spoke up.

_"Sorry_," He apologized. "But this fish _isn't_ going to be flinged anywhere!" He flopped from Mikhail's grasp and onto the floor.

_ "What the_?" He cried. He hopped back into his cup and went as fast as he could.

_"See_?" Joey asked him. "Told you he could talk!"

_"Get him!"_ Damien ordered. And again, the chase began.

Suddenly, the two dogs hopped in front of him. They growled, baring their teeth. Klaus gave them a nervous laugh and smile.

_"Nice doggies_." Damien then stepped up and grabbed him.

"Good job standing in his path, Killer and Eliminate." Damien congratulated the dogs. "Very good job." He rubbed their heads. "Daddy's very proud of you both!" The dogs barked, both enjoying having their heads rubbed.

"So, when do we fling him to the dump?" Mark wanted to know. Damien looked at him like he was crazy. He stood up and smacked Mark's head. Mark rubbed where it hit.

"We're not going to fling him fool!" He snapped. "He can talk!"

"Yeah, _so_?" Frank asked.

"So, we'll make _millions!_ With this fish, we'll be richer beyond our wildest dreams!"

_"OHHHH_!" The four all said in realization.

"So, we _can't_ fling him to the dump?" Damien slapped the back of his neck again.

"Yes, you idiot! Get your head on straight!" Mikhail, the dogs, Joey and Frank followed Damien. Frank slapped Mark on the back of his neck.

"_Yeah _Mark!" He added. "Get your head on straight!" Mark followed as well.

They went where the prisoners were being kept. The prisoners looked at them and all ran to their doors. Damien and his minions went to Stan's cage.

"You can't keep us locked up forever!" Bullock told Damien. "Come on let us out; America _needs _the CIA!"

_"Shut up Avery_!" Damien sneered. "I got a little friend for you." He showed them Klaus. "This little fella is going to spend the night with you and then he is going to make us rich!" He ordered Mikhail and Joey to open the door. Once the door was open, Damien set Klaus down gently on the floor. He backed up and ordered Frank to close the door. "I was going to let him sleep in my bedroom drawer so I could keep an eye on him, but since you're all going to be killed tomorrow, I'll let you say one final goodbye to your beloved pet." All of the agents gasped.

"You'll going to kill all of us?" Stan questioned.

"Indeed I am."

_"You monster_!" Hayley yelled at him, pounding the bars of the cage. "Why would you do such a thing?" Damien leaned into her face.

"Because I can little girl." Hayley pounded repeatedly as Damien laughed.

"I'm _not_ a little girl; I'm 18 and happily married!" Jeff grabbed her arm and comforted her as she cried on his chest. Damien looked at the guard who was reading his book. He looked up at him.

_"Dean_! Watch them, make sure they don't get away." Dean nodded. His dog slept under his chair.

He, Mikhail, Mark, Joey, Frank and the other two Dobermans left the room. Dean put down his book, got out of his chair and went to the cages.

_"Klaus?"_ Steve asked him. "Why are you here? To save us?"

"No." Klaus admitted. "Damien called me a stupid fish. I came for revenge." Francine smiled.

"And to save us."

"_No_! I told you, it's…"

"I think it's to save us Mr. H!" Jeff teased.

_"Nien_, it is not it's…." He then broke into tears. _"Okay,_ it's to save you _and_ for revenge! I need you guys! You are my only hope for turning me back human again." Bullock smiled.

"I knew you'd come around." He said.

"I knew it." Roger concluded. "We're doomed."


	3. Part 3

Part 3

The next morning, Stan woke up with a start.

_"WE'RE GOING TO DIE!_!" He woke the family and the agents up.

"Well, that's a great thing to say to your family the first thing you wake up in the morning." Roger said. "Way to keep it positive Stan." Stan sat up.

"What _time_ is it?" Bullock looked at his watch.

"It's 6:30." He answered.

"_Oh my gosh!_ We got to escape!" He stood up, ran for the front of the cage and looked for a key. "We got to get out of here!"

_"Whoa_!" Steve told his father. "_Chillax_ Dad!"

"How can I chillax when all of us might die at any moment!" Steve's eyes widened. He had such a nice sleep that he had completely forgotten today they were going to die.

_"I can't die!"_ He whined. "I got a whole lot to fulfill in life! Getting my driver's license, getting a beer, try to smoke my first cigarette," He looked at his mom."And I know what you're thinking mom! I just want to try it, _alright_? And I want to attend my high school graduation, college graduation and…uh a bunch of other stuff!"

"You think you're the only one concerned with not fulfilling your life?" Hayley asked. Steve looked at his sister.

"Hayley, you're married to the one man you love at the age of _18_! What more do you want?"

"There's more in life that I want bro. Getting a job, moving out of the house, raising a child…"

_"Yeah, yeah_! You and your needs! Other people have needs too, you know!"

"_Uh kids_," Stan interrupted. "I hate to interrupt but WE'RE ALL GOING TO _DIE _IF WE DON'T COME UP WITH SOMETHING!" His children looked at him. "Now, let's all think. How are we all going to escape?" They all began to think.

"I may have a way!" Klaus piped up.

"Quiet Klaus!" Stan told him. "If you want to help, _think!"_

"But I have an idea."

_"Shut up Klaus_!" Francine shouted. "You're not helping here!"

"_Come on_! Doesn't somebody want to hear my input?" An agent raised his hand.

"_NO YOU DON'_T!" Roger barked then tackled him to the ground. Klaus sighed.

"Oh well, they'll see it soon enough."

"Oh my gosh!" Roger cried when he saw Klaus just lying down in his cup motionless. "Klaus' dead! I get his room!"

"Roger," Hayley told him. "Klaus doesn't have a room."

"Well, if he did, I would get it."

"Relax everybody." Stan reassured everyone. "I'm sure Klaus is just pretending."

"How do you know?"

"Well I don't, hmmm, maybe Klaus is dea…" Suddenly, Klaus opened his eyes. He quickly looked at them.

"No I'm not." The fish told them. Everybody gasped.

"_Klaus_!" Stan said. "What are you doing faking your death again?"

"It's not April's Fools Day," Roger told him. "And if it was, we wouldn't fall for it again. And heck, when you told me about Justin Bieber, it wasn't April Fools Day anymore. They're only good for that day!"

"It was still April when I fooled you, so _there_! Anyways," He put his fin to his mouth. "I want you to play along."

"_Play along_?" Francine wanted to know. "Why do you want us to say that you're dead?"

"Because, then they'll open the cage…"

"And then we can get free!" Stan finished for him in realization. "That was your plan, wasn't it?"

"Uh…kind of. So, are you going play along and tell them I'm dead or not?" Stan sighed.

"_Fine, _but for some reason I don't think this'll work!" Klaus smiled.

"You'll thank me one day for this Stan."

"Whatever you say fish, whatever you say."

Klaus then went into the same position he was in before. Eyes closed and motionless.

"_Oh my gosh_!" Stan faked, eyes wide. "Our fish is dead! Help, somebody! Our fish is dead!" Dean then stood up and went to the cage that they were in. He looked at the 'dead' Klaus with widened eyes.

"Oh dear!" He said. "Damien will not be pleased. He will not be pleased at all. Guess I got to flush him down the toilet." He opened the cage, took Klaus and shut the door. He headed for the other room.

"Destroy," He told the Doberman. "Watch the prisoners while I'm gone. Make sure they don't escape." The dog barked and began to guard the cage as Dean went to the next room. Stan's mouth was agape.

"Wow, I never thought that would work. Well I did, but I didn't want to admit it." He looked at everyone. "Okay everyone, play dead."

"_Dad_," Steve interrupted. "We're not dogs. We're not going to 'play dead' just because you…"

"_I SAID PLAY DEAD_!" Without hesitation, everyone played dead. Dick had to push Steve down. Stan played dead too.

"Dad," Steve said moments later. "Are you sure this'll wor…"

"Dead people don't talk Steve!" He resumed playing dead.

"He's right you know," Roger told the youngest Smith. "Dead people don't talk. I have seen a lot of dead people in my time and all of them haven't said a single word to me. If they could, that'll be just plain creepy!"

"Shut up Roger."

"_Okee dokee_!" They both continued playing dead with the rest.

Dean was in the bathroom in front of the toilet. He was about to drop Klaus in when Damien saw.

"What you doing?" He wanted to know. "Don't you know you're about to flush a million dollar fish?"

"He's dead sir." Dean replied. "He's no use to us anymore."

"How did he die?""

"I don't know. His owner informed me."

"Maybe he's faking!" Dean was confused.

"_What_?"

"Look he can talk, so if he's human smart he is faking his death so he'll get out of here. Let me see if he's breathing." He laid his head to Klaus' chest. He pushed away when he felt him breathing. "_See_? What did I tell you? He's breathing!" Dean looked astonished.

"Wow boss; you sure are smart!"

"And you sure are dumb." Klaus stopped faking.

"_You got me_!" He said. "You can take me back now." Damien gave him a mischieviously smile.

"Oh I'll take you back, back so you can see your family and friends get killed right before your eyes!" Klaus gasped. Damien laughed evilly. "Now let's get our guns and kill some agen…" Suddenly, Mark came in.

"Everyone's dead!" He informed him. Damien rolled his eyes.

"Here we go again."

"_Come on_!" Mark pulled his boss's hand and dragged him out of the room.

"Look Mark, they're just pretending." Mark let his hand go and looked at his boss.

"_What? Faking_?"

"Yeah, it's what this fish did."

"The fish played dead?" Damien sighed.

"I'm working with idiots." He went to the other room. Mark and Dean carrying Klaus, followed. Mikhail ran up to him when he entered. Joey, Frank and all three dogs were in the room.

When they entered, Mikhail was dragging a motionless Stan. Damien ran up and slapped Mikhail in the face. Mikhail yelped and held his sore spot.

"What did you do that for, boss?" He wanted to know. "They're all dead."

"No they're not!" Mikhail looked at him, confused. "What do you mean?" Damien did a palm to the face. "_IDIOTS!_ I'll show you." He bent down and just like Klaus, put his head to Stan's chest and heard him breathing. He turned back to Mikhail.

"See? Not dead!"

"This one's alive too!" Joey said about Dick.

"So is this one!" said Frank. Mikhail laughed nervously.

"Look at that!" He explained. "They're alive. Guess we should've checked to make sure that they were still breathing. Very smart boss."

"Yeah very smart!" Stan said, opening his eyes. He then punched Damien in the groin. Damien yelled in pain and fell to the ground. He quickly got to his feet.

He and two other agents punched Mikhail, Mark, Joey and Frank to the ground.

"_Auf Wiedersehen_!" Klaus said, slapping Dean in the face with his tail. He joined the agents and his family. Hayley scooped him up and ran to the exit with the others.

"I'll go call the police!" Bullock told them and ran off.

Suddenly the three Doublemans stood in their path. They were all growling and baring their teeth.

"_Nice doggy_!" Stan said nervously. He went to pet Killer. "Nice, calm, gen…" He withdrew it when Killer snapped at him. "Okay, _not_ calm and gentle! _Not calm and gentle!"_

"What will we do Stan?" Asked a terrified Francine.

"_Dog treats_!" Steve blurted out. The dogs looked question at the boy. So did the family. Steve pointed in a corner. "_See_? There're yummy dog treats right over there!"

"Come on Steve," Stan told his son. "You think they're going to fall for that?" The dogs then ran to the corner. "Oh my gosh, they fell for it!"

"Killer, Destroy, Eliminate!" Damien ordered. "He tricked you all; there're no dog treats over there! _Stupid dogs_!"

"_Come on!"_ Stan told the others. They ran to the hallway. They were then stopped by Joey, Mikhail, Mark, Frank and Dean.

"You're not going _anywhere_!" Mikhail said.

"We got you surrounded!" Joey added.

"If there's going to be any trouble," Frank said, cracking his knuckles. "We can turn this into violence real easily."

"So you have been warned!" Mark told them. The prisoners all backed up.

"That's right!" Mikhail exclaimed. "Go back to your cell so we can kill you."

Klaus then saw a tarp on the boardwalk above and got an idea.

"_Hayley_!" He whispered to her. Hayley looked at him. "Toss me on the boardwalk up there." Hayley looked at the boardwalk then back at the fish.

"_Why_?" She asked. "You're not going to betray us and escape on your own while we are all being killed, are you?"

"_Heavens no_! Trust me on this!" Hayley sighed and scooped him up.

"You better not turn traitor on us!"

"I won't! _Gosh,_ that's how you earn friends Hayley, by gaining their trust."

"I'm not your friend."

"You don't have to; just toss me up there!" Hayley sighed.

"_Okay_." Hayley threw Klaus up in his cup onto the boardwalk. Once Klaus got his balance, he went behind the tarp.

"Any last words?" Damien wanted to know. He and his henchmen all had their guns pointing at them. The dogs were with them.

"_Hey!"_ Steve blurted out. "I just realized, Hayley and I are missing school because of this!" Hayley ignored her brother.

_Oh my gosh_! Hayley thought_. They're going to kill us now rather then wait when we're all back in our cell._ She looked up at the boardwalk. _I knew Klaus would betray us. _

"_Uh babe_?" Jeff asked her. Hayley looked at her husband. "Why is it when I'm with your guys, someone, something or a weather disaster is trying to kill us?'

"I don't know." She replied and then threw her head onto his chest. She started to cry again.

"_This is it_!" Stan concluded. "This is how it all going to end; too bad Bullock's not here to see this!" The family all held hands. They all waited for the end.

Suddenly, the boardwalk caved in and fell on Mikhail, Mark, Joey and Frank. Damien jumped out of the way just in time. The tarp fell onto the dogs.

The family all looked up. Klaus waved at them. Stan smiled up at him.

He then slid down from the collapsed boardwalk. Hayley grabbed him.

"_See_?" He told her. "I told you could trust me!" Damien repointed his gun at them. All of them gasped.

"Give me the fish or I'll shoot." He threatened,

"You're going to kill us anyways!" Roger told him. "Regardless if we give you the fish or not."

"True, but if you give me the fish now, I'll let you live longer."

"How much longer?"

"Twelve seconds longer."

"_Wow_! Twelve seconds longer; you're _so_ kind!" Then to himself he thought_; I wonder if twelve seconds is long enough for me to escape. _

"Give me the fish!"

"_No!"_ Hayley yelled, shielding Klaus.

"I said _give me the darn fish_!" He grabbed Klaus and slapped Hayley aside. Hayley fell to the floor. Everyone gasped. Damien then shot Stan in the foot. Stan yelled as he jumped in pain.

"What the fudge?" He shouted. "I thought you said twelve seconds, that was only ten!"

"I lied."

"How _could_ you?"

"What can I say? I'm the bad guy here!"

"He has a point there, Stan." Roger told the injured CIA agent. "Bad guys do tend to lie a lot." Francine went to comfort him. Jeff went by Hayley.

"Now for the rest of you…" He was about to pull the trigger when Klaus suddenly jumped out from his cup and slapped Damien's face with his tail.

"Mess with my family, will you?" He asked, jumping down in his cup and scooted to his family. "I think _not!_" Bullock then came in.

"They're in here!" Bullock shouted for the police. He then looked at Klaus. "I thought you said they weren't your family." Bullock said to Klaus.

"They may not be the loving family like a human trapped inside a goldfish's body would dream of having, but they're still my family." His family except Roger all smiled at him.

"_Awe!" _Damien faked. "That's so beautiful!" He pointed his gun at them again. "Too bad I have to kill them!" The police officers then came. Suddenly, a police officer grabbed Damien's wrists, knocking his gun to the ground and pulled his wrists behind his back.

"_Sir,_" The officer told him, placing handcuffs around his wrists. "you are under arrest for trying to shut down the whole CIA. You have the right to remain silent." Other officers handcuffed Frank, Mark, Joey and Mikhail. Others put leashes on the dogs.

"_Never_!" Damien shouting, bumping his officer to the ground. He started to run. The police ran after him.

"I just had enough of you!" Klaus said as he leaped out of his cup and tackled him to the ground. Damien struggled to get up as Klaus struggled to breathe.

"_GET OFF OF ME YOU DYING FISH_!" Damien screamed. When the officer caught up to him, he grabbed him and helped him to his feet. Klaus fell to the ground. The officers took their prisoners away.

A police officer that stayed behind, picked up the flopping fish and went and put him back in his cup that was now in Hayley's hands. The fish caught his breath once more and looked at him.

"Thanks officer for arresting that man and his goons," Bullock said to the officer.

"Thanks for the call." The officer responded. "And may I say you have a very extraordinary fish. I say it's almost like that fish possesses a human brain almost but that's not possible. Now, _bye_!" The officer then left. Stan laughed as they all waved farewell.

"_Yeah, not_ possible, _bye!_"

"_Bye!_" Steve added. Stan looked at Klaus when they were all done saying their goodbyes.

"_Wow Klaus_!" He began. "I can't believe you would risk your own life by stopping that man."

"Well he _had_ to be stopped somehow!" Klaus told him.

"You know Klaus," Hayley spoke. Klaus looked up at her. "You could've just let an officer tackle him to the ground instead of risking your own life."

"I know, but this way I feel more heroic."

"You're a hero Klaus!" Steve cheered. Klaus laughed.

"_Please_, you're too kind!"

"I can't believe fish is a hero." Roger said. "Well, I can't believe in _anything _that fish does sometimes."

"_Congrats Mr. H!"_ Jeff congratulated him.

"You saved the CIA!" Francine put in. Klaus blushed.

"_Again_," He said. "You're all too kind. I mean, _seriously_, what have you done with my family?" Everybody just laughed even Roger. Klaus laughed too.

The next night at the Smith household after Stan got home from the the hospital, he went to the sofa and started reading the paper after he picked it up. Steve was upstairs getting ready for bed. Klaus was back in his fishbowl on the end table. When Stan turned the page, his eyes grew ride.

"Well, I'll be darned!" He said out loud. "It can't be, well it can considering this is the news, and they have to cover _everything, _but it can't be, Klaus is in the paper!" He called for his family. His family all raced in to see.

"_Let me see!"_ Klaus pleaded. Stan showed him the article with the headline 'Fish saves CIA.' Underneath the headline was a drawing of him jumping from his cup to attack Damien.

"_Read it!_" Klaus begged. "I want to hear what they said about me!" Stan turned the paper towards him and began reading. While Stan read, Klaus listened in content.

"_Hey_!" Klaus piped up when Stan was done. "Maybe I'll be a new addition in _Ripley's Believe it or Not_."

"Dream on, Klaus." Roger told him. "Dream on!"

Klaus was proud of himself. He saved his family, the agents and put those crooks behind bars. But most importantly, he was the fish that saved the CIA.


	4. Epilogue

Epilogue

A year later, Steve picked up the mail from the mailbox. He flipped through the mail. He had ordered a _Ripley's_ book from Amazon and wanted to see if it came.

It did. He paged through it. It had all sorts of unbelievable facts such as: '_Human Snowball', 'Albino Turtle', 'Literate Dog', 'Angry Hippos'_ and '_Top-Heavy Turban_.' His jaw dropped and eyes widened as he saw one particular article. The headline read '_Super Fish_' and had the same drawing on the side as the newspaper did.

"I don't believe this!" He said. He picked up the mail and ran for his house. He opened the door and shut it behind him.

"_Guys_!" He shouted. "You won't believe this!" He showed them the article. They were all surprised.

"Well, I'll be." Stan said.

"Klaus, you're in _Ripley's_!" Francine added.

"_Let me see_!" Klaus piped up. Steve went where he sat on the end table to show it to him. Klaus read it quietly to himself.

"Why is the fish getting his name in the media and not me?" Roger wanted to know.

"Did you do something heroic enough that's newsworthy?" Roger thought about this for a moment. He held his head in shame.

"No, I guess not."

"_Told you_!" Klaus said after he was done reading the article. Steve went to the sofa to read some more. "Even a fish's dream can come true."


End file.
